Culturally, we have been fed myths: that love means suffering, that real love never gives up, that jealousy equals passion, and that leaving is failure. These myths are the fertilizer for uzembe . The proverb does not say love is bad. It says ngoswe penzi —reckless, excessive, blind love—is the problem. True love is clear-eyed. True love respects boundaries. True love does not demand you become a fool.
He disrespects you in public, she lies about money, they disappear for days without explanation. But you say, “But I love them.” That is ngoswe . ngoswe penzi kitovu cha uzembe
Your health, finances, and mental peace are crumbling. Yet you stay, because leaving would mean admitting you wasted time. That is the height of foolishness. Why Does This Happen? Psychologically, ngoswe penzi resembles addiction. The brain releases dopamine when we are with the beloved, even when they hurt us. We become hooked on the highs, enduring the lows with a delusional hope that “love will fix it.” Culturally, we have been fed myths: that love
There is an old Swahili saying that cuts through the romantic haze we often wrap around love: “Ngoswe penzi kitovu cha uzembe.” Literally translated, it warns that reckless or excessive love is the very root of foolishness. In an era where we glorify “crazy in love” and passion at all costs, this proverb stands as a stark, uncomfortable mirror. It says ngoswe penzi —reckless, excessive, blind love—is