Gluteus Divinus ★

Furthermore, the true divine glute is a metabolic furnace. Because the glutes are the largest muscle group, a well-developed backside burns calories at rest, improves sprint speed, and protects the lumbar spine. However, every deity has a shadow. The pursuit of the Gluteus Divinus has led to a rise in "Gluteal Amnesia"—a condition where people train their glutes to the exclusion of all else.

We are talking, of course, about the .

The true Gluteus Divinus jiggles under resistance; it ripples with striations when flexed; it has the hard, dense feel of a ripe melon. The surgical version looks like a basketball stuffed under cling film—static, high, and disconnected from the hamstring. gluteus divinus