(Whispering) My god. It’s… boring. And it’s beautiful.

Gary turns to the camera, tears in his eyes.

(Softly) Shh. Just watch.

A sterile, PBS-style telethon set. A desperate host, GARY, stands next to a ticking meter. On the meter, instead of dollars, it says “ATTENTION SPAN.”

The screen glitches. A pop-up ad for a mobile game featuring Craig as a playable character appears: “PEEL TO WIN! EPIC LOOT DROPS!”

That’s the spirit of 2026, everyone! Desperate, specific, and slightly humiliating!