Allison Carr Mutha Magazine [2025]

This is what I want to tell the woman who is reading this in the bathtub while her partner wrangles the toddler, or the one hiding in the Target parking lot for ten extra minutes just to hear herself think. You are not failing because your kitchen is a disaster zone. You are not a bad mother because you did not make the sensory bin from Pinterest. You are not broken because you sometimes miss the silence.

My daughter is two years old, which means she has recently discovered the power of the emphatic “No.” But more importantly, she has discovered my camera roll. The other day, while waiting for her oatmeal to cool, she grabbed my phone. I braced for the inevitable butt-dial to my editor or a rogue FaceTime to my ex-husband. Instead, she went quiet. She was scrolling through photos of herself. allison carr mutha magazine

I think about that photo my daughter found. The “sad” one. In it, I am not performing. I am not trying to be a “good mom” for the ‘gram. I am just being a mom. My hand is dirty. The light is fluorescent. The moment is ugly. And yet, that is the photo she was drawn to. Not the Easter portrait. Not the beach sunset. The Tuesday morning apocalypse. This is what I want to tell the

There is a specific grief in that realization. Not a tragedy, but a low-grade mourning for the woman you used to be—the one who could read a novel for three hours on a Sunday, the one whose body belonged only to her, the one who didn’t know the precise texture of vomit at 2:00 AM versus 4:00 AM. We don’t talk about that grief enough. We talk about postpartum depression and anxiety (thank god, finally), but we don’t talk about the mundane melancholy of missing your old self while simultaneously holding the new self you would die for. You are not broken because you sometimes miss the silence

By Allison Carr

The lens of motherhood is always smudged. It’s smudged with peanut butter, with tears, with the grease from your own unwashed hair. You can try to clean it, but the second you put the phone down, another tiny hand will reach out and touch it again.

Mutha Magazine is the only place I’ve ever seen that acknowledges this duality without trying to fix it. It doesn’t say, “Here are five ways to get your sparkle back!” It says, “Your sparkle is currently in the laundry with a juice box explosion. It’s fine. Have a glass of wine.”